can I call in sick?

Today started out as a generic Bekah mom day. Then came the afternoon. I putt Russ Russ down for his nap. He resisted, he sometimes does. The rule is; he can sleep, talk, scream or cry, but he stays in his room for one hour. I know, I am the cruelest of cruel.

Today he chose to scream. I was nursing Luke in the other room, trying to get him down for a nap.

Russell learned how to climb out of his crib for the first time. He ran out of his room with all the pride he could have in his two-year-old heart because, "Russ down bed!"

Ok, he learned how to climb out of his bed and out of his room. Awesome.

He learned to go poop on the potty. Awesome.

After going pee on the potty every 2 minutes of the afternoon he learned that having "accidents" is fun.

He learned to pee on his sock.

He learned to pee on the curtains.

He learned to pee on the floor.

I put a diaper back on.

He learned to throw a toy down the potty, flush it and overflow our toilet all over our bathroom floor and flood the apartment below.

He learned how to stick something so far up his nose, I could not get it out. He kept saying, "Russ put poopoos in nose. Bekah help! Help! Nose, stuck. Stuck in Russell's nose. Poopoos". I did not think any poop had escaped my eye, but considering his half nakedness and the bathroom fiasco, it was a possibility. Gross.

You are wondering where his mother was while all this was going on. I am just as concerned. I swear I am never more than 15 feet away from the kid.

I imagined Mark in his quiet, peaceful office, working away on his computer, free of the stomach-clenching anxiety that comes with the constant noise and mischief our two-year-old creates.

I became envious.

I called him to rant about the poop, pee, nose, toilet overflowing, extremely over-tired, hyper, loud chaos I was experiencing here and told him he better be grateful.

I had had it up to here, whatever that means, and put Russell to bed at 5:00.

He jumped out and ran around the house. It was probably too early anyway.

I read him a story, and while I was reading part of a stick fell out of his nose. Glad it wasn't poop.

I put him to bed at 6:00.

He jumped out and ran around the house.

I put a child-lock on his door, and put him to bed at 6:15.

He jumped out and tried the door and cried.

It has been quiet for an hour. I assume he climbed back in his bed.

Can someone shut me in a dark, quiet room and leave me in until 7 am?

I decided the only thing to do was to eat 3 tortillas, covered with peanut butter and cheese, broiled.